Boarding First
- theangryactuary
- Dec 24, 2023
- 3 min read
Am I the only one who notices that once boarding for a flight is announced, everyone cues up as if the plane is either going to leave without them or as if there’s some prize for getting on first? I’ve got news for you: your seat is assigned (unless you’re flying something like Southwest), the plane is not leaving without you and even getting on last will leave you plenty of time to settle down before the plane even pushes off from the gate.
It is not worth boarding first:
I’ve seen it time and again. When people are ready to board a plane, there appears to be some uncontrollable anxiety that pushes a few to line up near the gate entrance, even though their boarding group is one of the last ones that will be called. We then see herd mentality kick in; with FOMO in full swing, other lemmings start to join the queue. The gate gets crowded and earlier boarding groups find themselves obstructed from an easy ingress.
If you’re one of these people hovering at the gate before your group is called, take a chill pill and sit your arse down. You’re being a nuisance and standing for longer than you need to, all while achieving absolutely nothing. Take a seat and wait for your group to be called. Ever noticed how the jet gangway is always crowded and backed up by a queue anyways once you get through the barrier?
Learn to travel light:
“But I have a tonne of luggage and I need to get on first to shove my sh!t into the overhead bins before they fill up!” First of all, checking baggage has been around for a while and lost baggage rates are much lower in the last decade than before. The complex automation of baggage handling has improved accuracy to no end. Just have a look at a few YouTube videos to see how far the systems have developed.
Secondly, stop bringing your entire wardrobe, you narcissistic punk. Familiarize yourself with Marie Kondo. Simplify your wardrobe, clear your mind and declutter. Hoarding less material goods is not only better for your mental health, but also better for the environment. From a safety perspective, I’ve seen a heavy carry-on fall on an innocent aisle passenger before. Surely, this is a concern given people are trying to squeeze ever heavier carry-ons into the cabin.
Finally, it’s just more comfortable getting on a plane with a smaller backpack or travel bag. There are fewer belongings to keep track of and everything you need on the plane surely fits in one bag.
Airlines need to fix the problem:
Airlines are also the engineers of this disastrous process that repeats itself ad infinitum. A simulation study done by Arizona State University showed that boarding a plane from windows first and then into the aisles was the most efficient method for single aisle planes. For larger planes, I’d suggest coupling this method with the groups at the back of the plane boarding first. This way, the aisles are not blocked beginning at the very front of the plane.
But airlines haven’t signed up for this methodology. The reason why they believe in creating this inefficiency is a combo of being able to sell more premium seats and part of that involves making early boarding a perk. Making the boarding process for later boarding groups slow and uncomfortable is designed to entice passengers to consider upgrading. Given airlines are the ones that began charging checked baggage fees, it might not be a bad idea to mandate minimum checked baggage weights to help reduce the amount of carry-on luggage.
For those looking to get nerdy:
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